


i've been crying over you

by XyoonluvX



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Abuse, Add more later - Freeform, Addiction, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Artist Dan Howell, Asshole Phil Lester, Brothers, Child Abuse, Dan Howell and Phil Lester Are Soulmates, Dan Howell and Phil Lester Are Teenagers, Depressed Dan Howell, Domestic Violence, Drug Use, Heavy Angst, Hurt Dan Howell, Hurt Phil Lester, M/M, Multi, Pastel Dan Howell, Pastel Dan and Punk Phil, Piano, Prostitution, Punk Phil Lester, Sad Dan Howell, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Content, good luck, idk - Freeform, lol, uhh, we'll see
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-28
Updated: 2019-08-29
Packaged: 2020-05-28 11:33:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19393282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XyoonluvX/pseuds/XyoonluvX
Summary: Dan hasn't played the piano in years not since his mother died leaving him and his younger brother alone with their abusive fatherPhil hasn't been honest with anyone in years not since his father died and his brother left him causing his mother to turn to drugsOf course, Dan has his boyfriend Marcas (if you can even call him that) and Phil has his crew of followers and packs of cigarettes (that aren't very good to cuddle with at night)What happens when Phil's mother meets Dan's father and they fall in love?Will Phil save Dan from his boyfriend?Will Dan let him?Who knows man I'm making it up as I go!Also yes I named this after an RM song...





	1. prolouge

**Author's Note:**

> so this is going to be fun i was so inspired by dans new video and i know i usually write about bts but i didnt have data on a like 9 hour plane ride so i just wrote this on my phone!  
> the songs, in the beginning, are ones l listened to when i wrote this or ones i feel like fit the chapter well  
> the title is a song too, crying over you with RM sososososososo good!

_If I keep my eyes closed he looks just like you_

_But he'll never stay_

_They never do_

_Now if i keep my eyes closed he feels just like you_

_But you've been replaced_

_I'm face to face with someone new_

- _Eyes closed,_ _Halsey_

Dan POV

He has always loved the sound of piano music. Something about the feeling of the keys under his fingers or the way it can change and become something new fascinates him always. Maybe it’s because over time it all becomes predictable something life has never been for anyone especially not Daniel Howell. Just like poetry how roses will always be red and violets will always be blue and every other dumb rhyme people tack on to it to make it sound their own. Art in so many ways belongs to the people whose lives imitate tornadoes climbing through cities at any random moment. Art is everything predictable and unpredictable blended up into hundreds of different outlets. Dan has always held onto the belief that everyone needs an art in their lives whether it be visual or musical or writings the outlet is not what matters but how it feels to create something your own. But over time Dan has lost his art. Of course he searched for it as everyone does under every surface and threw every closet but it never came back to him. That was years ago now. Years and years ago. 

Dan rolled his head to the side peering out the cracked school window onto the snowy football field where he was made to run laps whenever the weather warmed back up. But never again would he have to experience school gym class considering he was halfway through his final year of secondary school and soon he would be off to university. Dan couldn’t wait to leave he was practically counting down the days until graduation, granted he wouldn’t be going far for university and would probably stay in London he was still more than excited for a change of pace. Mr. Cross’s voice continued to drone in and out of Dans head as the whole class around him pretended to care about the quadratic formula. Which he didn’t. 

Suddenly the bell sounded through Dans ears signaling the class it was time for third period which Dan didn’t give a fuck about and would probably skip anyway. Quickly Dan packed up his school work knowing from experience that he did not want to be the last person in a now empty classroom considering who was in his class. As Dan burst into the hallways he felt the oh so familiar feeling a eyes piercing into his back only making him speed up faster and avoid barren classrooms. Deciding he would go to third period (mostly to avoid the people that we're now right behind him) he made a B-line for the art building keeping his head down as he hit the cold open air.

The school was built much like most college campuses with different buildings structured in subject blocks. There was the first building with maths, science, English and history classes called the classic building. Then there was the gym, language and computer building usually just called the main building and last there was the small art building holding all the art classes. Dan tried his hardest to avoid the main building since that was where most of the people who tormented him spent their time but that never really stopped them much anyway. 

Dan opened the heavy glass doors to the art building and turned his way up the old twisting staircase before stopping in his tracks when he saw a few oh so familiar faces waiting for him. 

“Daniel!” One of the boys yelled out in mock excitement jumping down from the stairs he was standing on and strolling over to Dan making him sink back into the wall behind him. The boy was tall and slender with a slicked back blonde hair and a face that made Dan want to vomit whenever he saw it, he was the ringleader of the popular squad something that sounded horrible to the younger boy.

“Move Alec I’m late for third,” Dan said trying not to let his confidence waver as two more boys walked over to them leaving only one at the top of the stairs. 

“Does it look like I care Howell?” Alec asked cocking his head to the side and pushing Dan up against the wall behind him his arm laying across his neck. 

“Alec come on lay off mate,” a voice sounded from above them making Dan’s toes curl in his shoes. “Marcas will throw a fit-“

“Marcas doesn’t go here anymore Phil!” Alec growled sounding annoyed at the other boy who scoffed and rolled his eyes jumping off the staircase railing.

“Whatever mate I’m going to class,” Phil said fluffing his blue hair and picking up his backpack making Alec laugh out.

“Since when do you go to class?” One of the other boys, Hanson a short black haired wrestler, asked.

“Since Mrs. Thomson is subbing, I can’t miss that rack boys,” Phil laughed making Dan’s stomach turn as Phil marched out of the staircase not even looking in Dan’s direction.

Alec grinned pushing his arm farther onto Dan’s neck until he couldn’t breathe keeping him in place as he used his other hand to punch the boy in his stomach making him cough out. Alec lifted his arm off Dan’s neck allowing the boy to double over in pain before he grabbed Dan by his hair hoisting him up and landing a harsh backhand against his face. Dan hit the ground growling to himself as he tried to get up the shock leaving his body but just before he was able to get up Hanson’s foot landed on his chest pushing him down. 

“Where you goin fag?” Hanson asked cackling to himself making Dan roll his eyes.

“How original, that the best you got?” Dan scoffed glaring up at Hanson, Alec and the other boy Edward who had dark skin and a cut jawline. 

“You want more?” Edward asked crouching down to Dan’s level grinning an evil grin his northern drawl making Dan’s head hurt. “Too bad I ain’t swing that way mate.” 

“Gross,” Dan said plainly making Edward frown and land a few punches on Dan’s face which was easy considering Hanson still had him pinned down.

“You’re real lucky you have Marcas so we can’t do anything too bad to ya.” Alec said from above him as Hanson lifted his foot allowing Dan to stand up and back away from the wall.

“Yeah lucky me,” Dan grumbled picking up his backpack and wiping the blood from his nose against the back of his hand. “You done?” 

Edward growled and stepped forward but Alec stopped him, “chill Eddie coach Crum will be looking for us soon this faggot isn’t worth it.”

Dan ignored the rest of whatever they we're talking about and made his way back up the stairs to the bathroom instantly sighing when he saw his face. His curly brown hair looks faded and was sticking up everywhere, his eyes had bags under them and there were bruises starting to form all over his face, his nose had stopped bleeding but had a large cut over it. _Typical_ Dan thought to himself as he began cleaning off his face and his now dirty light pink jumper, blood is a bitch of a stain to remove. After he was done Dan threw his bag to the side sliding down the wall until he was sitting with his head in his knees. Third period was not going to be happening at this point. 

Dan sighed turning his head up and looking at the fluorescent light bulbs above him trying to will away the tears that wanted to tumble down his face. He wasn’t sad or in pain or whatever other reasons would be typical for him to cry, no Dan was tired. Tired of everything his life had become, tired of the people in it, tired of the fact that he didn’t see anything changing for him anytime soon. He gave up on fighting the tears and let them come down his face and fall into his lap silently he couldn’t make a noise even if he tried to at this point. Dan closed his eyes cursing to himself as his head wandered back to a particular blue haired rebel he had seen earlier making the sane side of him want to laugh at the cliche. Yes, Phil Lester the boy who has never laid a hand on Dan before yet rolls with the crew that love to hurt him. Phil Lester who came to this school halfway through last year and Dan was instantly jealous of. Phil Lester whose eyes were bluer than his hair and made Dan want to melt whenever he looked at him.

_This was all starting to sound like some shitty fan fiction or something_ Dan thought to himself as he checked his phone instantly wishing he hadn’t. 15 texts from Marcas in the last hour, 3 twitter notifications about Brexit, and 2 instagram bubbles telling him muse posted a new photo. The texts from Marcas we're the ones he always sent threatening and out of touch considering Dan never replied to them, he didn’t have to his opinion in their relationship didn’t matter. Dan sighed when he saw that Marcas would be picking him up after school today, even when the other boy had already graduated he couldn’t seem to get away from him. Dan had tried many times to end things with the older boy but every time he gets laughed at and punched in the face, one time a knife to his throat. He stopped thinking there was a way out a few months ago and now with their 1 year anniversary coming up it was even more of a message of how fucked he was.

So he guessed there must have been some reason for him to cry

The bell signaling 4th period rang through the bathroom letting Dan know he needed to stop wallowing in self pity and actually be responsible for once. He groaned as he stood up checking himself in the mirror before deciding he looked good enough for class, _I mean it is only art._ Dan shot out of the bathroom and through the halls of the art building until reaching the class at the end of the hall and went inside. The class was huge and filled with easels and paints the small young teacher Ms. Wu’s desk was at the far edge of the classroom where she was going through her desk looking for papers. 

“ _Konnichiwa_ , Daniel!” Ms. Wu said as Dan came through the door way in her thick Japanese accent making Dan smile at the woman. Ms. Wu’s hair was long and tied back behind her head with what looked like a paint brush, she was short making her look younger than she was, she had come here from Japan 10 years ago when she was 25 and told Dan stories about living in Tokyo. She was his favorite teacher at their school by far.

“ _Konnichiwa_ Ms. Wu how are you today?” Dan asked as he walked over the far side of the room to his usual corner.

“I’m great Daniel, thank you for asking! Today we’ll be working on the midterm piece so please start whenever.” Ms. Wu explained as the other students began funneling into the room. 

Dan smiled nodding to her as he pulled his canvas up onto the easel at his desk looking over it and frowning, the canvas has been empty for the past 3 days Dan honestly had hoped some elves would paint on it for him. He knew he had to start since the project was due soon but starting things was always the hardest part of anything for him, deciding what will be. Art reminded him of piano and why he stopped playing all those years ago but to graduate in the spring he needed an art credit so he was stuck having to pass this year long course. The assignment for the midterm was simple, fill a canvas with whatever materials you like that represents a point in your life with a huge change. Some people have taken it literally and drawn themselves leaving primary school or winning an award but Dan could never do anything the easy way. Sitting next to him we're his charcoal pens and oil paint he had decided to use almost taunting him with how clean his hands and clothes we're. Dan sighed glaring down at the materials in front of him.

“I’m pretty sure glaring at the materials isn’t going to make something appear on the canvas.” A voice said from above him, Dan looked up and smiled as the other boy pulled out his materials laying them in front of him.

“You caught me, PJ,” Dan said laughing to himself. PJ and him we're friends, not like hangout on the weekends or after school friends (Dan didn’t have those) more of a nice to each other and chat sometimes friends. PJ tried to get closer to Dan but the other never let him he had what some might call ‘commitment issues’ but that never stopped PJ. He wasn’t the type of person to stop trying easily. Dan looked up at PJ’s canvas and gasped at what he saw, it was a beautiful mixture of purples and blues cascading over a night sky with a small boy wrapped up in a warm yellow blanket staring up at a shooting star. Even though it obviously wasn’t done what he had so far reminded Dan why this class was for advanced art students.

“It’s when I asked out Chris,” PJ explained as he pulled open his watercolor paint, “I didn’t want it to be literal but I wanted people to understand.” 

“Who's the boy?” Dan asked cocking his head to the side.

PJ grinned, “Chris I didn’t wanna paint myself it’s more from my point of view.”

“Stop being so amazing your making us all look bad,” Dan sighed out dramatically making PJ laugh under his hand.

“Stop your too kind! What are you planning on doing?” PJ asked making Dan groan pulling his sweater sleeves over his hands.

“I don’t know yet. I don’t want it to be depressing-“ Dan started before being interrupted by another voice from behind him.

“That’ll be hard for you,” the voice said making Dan freeze in his tracks before PJ rolled his eyes and waved the voice off.

“Ignore Phil, Dan. He just got lost here on his way to get high on the roof.” PJ said glaring at Phil who laughed out and put his ear buds in continuing to paint something Dan couldn’t see. “Ass.”

“You’re my hero,” Dan said trying to mask his anxiety and also his interest in the boy behind him. What made Phil get into advanced art? Why was it that after all this time the older had never touched him? Don’t wanna catch the gay Dan presumed. PJ and Dan fell into a warm silence after that Ms. Wu started playing some soft Japanese music filling the room with culture and the smell of acrylics. Dan watched his canvas with testing eyes trying to imagine something coming out of his brain and exploding onto the canvas.

After about 10 minutes of glaring Dan picked up the charcoal pen and drew a harsh line down the side of the canvas turning it upwards at the top. Sliding his fingers across the paper and blending out the line Dan lifted his pen growing lines and shadows into branches and leaves. He blended in sorrow to the trunk and longing into the bark and shading hope into the moonlight. After 30 minutes Dan moved back his hands covered in black shadows and looked over the canvas a few hundred times. The tree was a willow taking up half the canvas with a full moon glowing behind its leaves, it was his favorite type of art black and white with only one color focus a bright red and orange moon. 

“Damn Daniel,” PJ said looking over at Dan’s tree making the younger groan turning back to his canvas and glaring.

“I feel like it’s missing something,” Dan said adding white chalk on the trunk of the tree adding dimension.

“Well it’s not done Dan,” PJ explained setting his watercolor brush back into his cup of dirty brown colored water. “I like your style very ominous.”

“Yeah not like your watercolor romance scene,” Dan said laughing out smiling at PJ.

“What’s the moment?” PJ asked making Dan frown before changing his face quickly and smiling.

“It’s not a fun story,” Dan explained trying to shut down PJ’s questioning then sighing when the other didn’t get the hint. “It’s gonna be an a forest scene of the tree house I built my brother set on the night my mom died.” 

“Oh Dan I’m so sorry,” PJ said making Dan roll his eyes _this is why I didn’t wanna talk about it_ Dan thought.

“It’s okay PJ it was years ago,” Dan explained setting his pens down and looking up at the clock, “man this class went by quick.”

“You busy after school, you still owe me coffee.” PJ asked.

“I know PJ it’s not like you haven’t reminded me everyday for a month, I wish but I’m seeing Marcas.” Dan explained packing his things into his bag getting ready for class to end. “Trust me I would rather be with you.”

PJ frowned nodding and closing up his brushes and paints getting up and putting them away leaving Dan alone at their table. The bell rang and Dan ran out of the room not wanting to be alone with Phil stumbling down the hallways heading to the parking lot to meet Marcas until he realized he forgot his phone in class. Dan groaned of course he forgot something shoving his hands in his pockets Dan turned on his heels heading back to the now vacant classroom. Well almost vacant standing by his table was a certain blue eyed boy with Dan’s phone in hand. Where was Ms. Wu when he needed her! 

“That’s mine,” Dan stated plainly his voice shaking as Phil raised his head looking at Dan and lifting his eyebrow at him.

“Yeah,” Phil said rolling his eyes gazing down at the phone, “you and Marcas in a fight or something?”

Dan’s heart stopped his face losing color when he realized that Phil had read his texts, “why?”

“He just seems pretty pissed at you from what he has texted you in the last 10 minuets,” Phil explained tossing Dan’s phone over to him Dan barely catching it.

“Well umm thanks for letting me know..” Dan said feeling frozen in place as Phil looked him up and down with a smirk.

“Nice black eye,” Phil said as Dan turned away from him sighing as he did so wishing Phil would leave him the fuck alone.

“You can thank yourself for that,” Dan muttered stomping out the door into the hallway and out to the parking lot where a certain green eyed boy was waiting for him.


	2. broken glass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a bit of phil's background

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyyyyy girl let me know what you think

_I know that you’re hurt_   
_I know I’m to blame_   
_But I’ll make it work_   
_I’ll make you stay_   
_-N Y L A, Blackbear_

Phil POV

Phil hated summer like really hated it so when the snow finally came it felt like a gift from god. December was his favorite month by far with Christmas and the new year right around the corner what was there not to love. He knew it was stereotypical for the ‘bad boy’ to like winter but he didn’t see himself as the bad boy he knew he probably seemed. No he was just A boy one who likes black clothes and dyed hair one who pierced his face and had tattoos running over his body like train tracks. No he was just A boy. And Phil was the first one to admit it there was nothing special about him besides what he made other people think he had. No Phil Lester will always just be Phil Lester.

Alec and Hanson dragged Phil into the arts building stairway where Eddie was waiting for them laughing maniacally to each other making Phil rethink why he liked them in the first place. Ya see Phil liked to fight he guessed that was why Eddie, Hanson and especially Alec liked him because he wasn’t afraid to do their dirty work. So when he was pulled into the stairway he assume they must just be waiting for someone to beat on, Phil didn’t care it’s not like he wanted to go to class anyway. Sighing Phil jumped up onto the stair railing looking down at his friends as Alec and Eddie did some totally not gay but gay bro hug. Phil hated this school.

“Who’re we waitin for mate?” Phil asked fluffing his faded blue hair through his tired fingers.  
“Daniel!” Alec interrupted as Dan came into the stairway seemingly unsuspecting until seeing Alec. His face made Phil’s heart drop as Eddie and Hanson crowded around the smaller boy that way now up against a wall and a hard ass. Dan and Alec growled at each other as Dan tried to shake the bigger boy until Phil sighed and jumped down to where the others we're.  
“Alec come on lay off mate Marcas will throw a fit-“ Phil said trying to sound as if he didn’t care.  
“Marcas doesn’t go here anymore Phil,” Alec replied making Phil roll his eyes and grab his bag.  
“Whatever I’m going to class,” Phil grumbled turning away from the boys.  
“Since when do you go to class?” Hanson asked you have a point there.  
“Since Ms. Tomson is subbing I can’t miss that rack boys,” Phil lord strolling out of the stairway not even glancing at Dan as he walked out of the school and up to the student parking lot where he quickly found his car and jumped onto the hood.

Phil sighed as he pulled a cigarette out of his backpack lighting it and putting it between his lips breathing in deeply, he blew out the smoke as he laid back on his hands enjoying the cold air. I shouldn’t have left Dan he thought as he laid back fully on the car the sun now hidden behind a thick layer of snow clouds. He'll be fine, Phil thought to himself blowing smoke rings into the air only to have them fade away. But Dan wasn’t fine nothing about anything was fine and Phil knew that, the issue was he was stuck where he was. Phil was no one's savior but he wasn’t going to beat on someone like Dan, someone he felt a pull to, someone he could relate to. Phil groaned trying to ignore the thought funneling into his head, only one more semester then it’s over, he thought. Of course he was right that soon he would get to leave this place but that didn’t mean it was over just because he didn’t have to walk through these white tiled halls anymore, because he would still have to remember what was.

Phil rubbed his eyes with his palms throwing his dead cigarette into the snow beside his car trying to think about anything besides the class he was missing. He thought of his parents of his dad who died years ago who always took his tea with a splash of brandy and his mother whose Botox tight face made sure no one could see how tired she was. Phil wondered where his brother Martyn was the boy who had left home for America when he turned 18 three years ago, he said it was for a job but Phil knows it was to escape the memories of their father. I wonder what Dan’s family is like? Phil thought before shaking his head remembering he didn’t care about Dan and his perfect fucking life with his perfect parents and perfect boyfriend. Of course Phil wasn’t jealous or anything he didn’t want a good family or a boyfriend he was the one who was building character here not Dan Howell. Even if the boy did have those stupid doe eyes that made Phil’s heart skip a beat and stop completely when they had black rims around them. Even if the boy was the only person he knew his age that was taller than him but was always hunched over preventing anyone from knowing how tall he really was. Even if he envied the boys bravery to be dating another boy and come out even if he was ridiculed relentlessly for it. But Phil didn’t care.

Checking his phone he sighed sliding off his car and making his was back to the art building for Ms. Wu’s class, which was his favorite but he would never say anything of course. He was just glad he got away from Ms. Tomson who has now taken over his third period entirely and had taken a special liking to Phil. It made him sick the way she threw herself all over him even though he was 18 and she was 36 (although didn’t look a day over 22 but still) he tried his best to avoid her class but it never worked for him. Every time he skipped he would be called after class the next day and- Phil clenched his fists trying to distract himself as he walked into Ms. Wu’s class already seeing a certain brown haired boy glaring at charcoal pens. He tried to fight the grin on his face as he sat behind the boy pulling out his canvas.

Phil always loved Ms. Wu’s prompts for their projects their first project the had to draw something that symbolized their first memories, and now they we're doing the biggest change piece and Phil was excited. His change was when his brother left for America leaving just him and his mother to live in their tiny brick flat, he showed this by painting his bedroom cut out of his house and floating in space. It was abstract and supposed to show just how alone he felt floating in space his room on a rogue planet. Not the happiest but looking around everyone’s seemed pretty depressing, except PJ who had made some amazing romance piece for his boyfriend. Phil glanced over at Dan’s empty canvas frowning as him and PJ spoke about what Dan was going to do, why did the empty space look so lonely when it was Dan’s?  
“I don’t know yet I don’t want it to be depressing-“ Dan started explaining to PJ making Phil snicker, Dan’s life depressing? That boy doesn’t even know.  
“That’ll be hard for you,” Phil said without thinking, earning a glad from PJ which only made Phil grin.  
“Ignore Phil, Dan,” PJ said, “he probably just got lost on his way to get high on the roof.”

Phil rolled his eyes putting his head phone in and turning on the calm bumps of the bass of Blackbear flooded into his ears, he sighed smiling as he sat back against his chair. Music has always been something special for Phil to him it wasn’t just something smooth to calm his nerves, it was like his life line. Phil didn’t like being a stereotype or a cliche he didn’t listen to heavy metal or emo music like people assumed he wanted something he could drown in not be made to think. He opened his eyes looking at his canvas and pulling out his acrylic paint and his brushes dipping the brush in the black paint and starting to outline his hair. His painting was only a sketch at this point that was outlined and less than half colored, Phil was really good at procrastinating. Phil mixed the black paint with a soft white shading his hair to make it look like how it looked when his brother left him not how he looks now, in the painting he’s wearing a light blue and black plaid shirt and skinny jeans staring at the door from his floor waiting.

His music changed from Blackbear to the 1975 over to Muse before the class ended with Phil barely noticing as he was trying to find the perfect color for his old bedroom walls. Phil sighed he had just found the color too! Phil sauntered back over to his desk putting away his paints and brushes pushing his canvas over to where all the other students canvases were drying. Phil looked around at what his classmates had drawn his eyes landing on a certain pastel boys art making him frown at how sorrowful the trees looked and how striking the bright red moon was. It looked better than the lonely white space Phil decided but the lone trees with a tree house looked almost worse in his eyes for so many other reasons.

Phil shook his head walking back over to his things walking away from his desk before something flashing on Dan’s desk caught his eye, looking up Phil saw he was alone completely in the classroom before swooping the phone into his hands. The phone buzzed in his hands flashing bright white letters into Phils eyes as he read through the new text messages.  
15:20 Marcas- I’ll be there to get you soon  
15:21 Marcas- Hello?  
15:23 Marcas- So what you aren’t texting me back now?  
15:24 Marcas- Dan answer the fucking phone before I get angry  
15:26 Marcas- You piece of fucking shit I’m just trying to make sure you get your sorry ass to the goddamn car so I don’t have to hunt you down.  
15:30 Marcas- Doesn’t matter like you have a choice  
15:33 Marcas- You’re fucking dead  
Phil cocked his head to the side as he read the text messages sent to Dan from his boyfriend, he furrowed his brows this wasn’t making sense. Phil didn’t care it didn’t fucking matter is Dan and his perfect boyfriend had a stupid fight his life was so great it was probably the worst thing to ever happen to him. Just as Phil was about to slide the phone into his pocket a tired looking Dan Howell burst through the door into the art room stopping in his tracks when he saw Phil with his phone.

“That’s mine,” Dan said plainly making Phil raise his eyebrows, smirking at the younger.  
“Yeah,” Phil said rolling his eyes and gazing down at the phone turning it in his hands, “you and Marcas in a fight or something?”  
Dan’s face turned white, “why,” he stuttered out.  
“He just seems pretty pissed at you from what he has texted you in the last 10 minutes,” Phil explained tossing Dan’s phone over to him Dan barely catching it.  
“Well umm, thanks for letting me know.,” Dan said feeling frozen in place as Phil looked him up and down with a smirk.  
“Nice black eye,” Phil said trying to joke with the younger as Dan turned away from him sighing as he did so.  
“You can thank yourself for that,” Dan muttered as he left the room making Phil frown like he would ever touch Dan Howell.  
Phil rolled his eyes glaring at the door like it was Dan trying to ignore the guilt he felt pooling in his stomach, he sighed walking out the door and down the old stairs and leaving the building. As much as he hated saying it something tugged at his heart whenever he thought of the brown haired boy something deep inside of him that he tried to bury as deeply as possible. He knew what he was feeling and hated it, he was feeling attraction something Phil didn’t do. Of course, he felt attractions to people but never for people his gender also for pretty girls he would sleep with in the back of his car, he was a normal teenage boy. Whenever his mind drifted off to Dan or well boys, in general, his mind shot back to what he knew was true, what would his parents think. Phil gritted his teeth as his mind wandered back to a certain memory from the last time he spoke to his father.

Phil ran his hands through his deep black hair as he gazed off lazily out the window of his family car, his mother and father in the front seat and his older brother Martyn sitting next to him. They were driving back to Manchester from Florence, Italy where the family had lived for the past year for his fathers teaching job. He had a cigarette hanging out of his mouth a habit that Phil had picked up since living in Florence, his parents were mostly just happy that he wasn’t drinking since it was encouraged there. He was probably around 15 at the time and really only had his parents and brother at this point since he had lost all his friends from Italy and Manchester because of his father’s job.

Phil threw his cigarette out the window looking over to the front seat of the car where his mother was whispering bullets at his father asking him if there was actually coffee in his coffee cup. His father rolled his eyes taking a long drink from the cup and turning up the radio drumming his hands on the steering wheel looking in the rear view window and smiling at Phil drunkenly. Phil looked away from his father looking back out the window as his dad pulled off the highway and drove over to an old French hotel for the night. As they pulled over into the parking lot Phil watched his eyes narrow as a French couple walked from their car over to the room the toy boys laughing hand in hand.

“We can’t stay here,” his father said turning back on the car and putting the car in reverse. “We're going somewhere else.”  
“Greg please there isn’t going to be another hotel for miles and the boys are tired,” his mother complained trying to will her husband as he pulled onto the highway.  
“I don’t fucking care Dianne they can fucking deal with it we're going somewhere else no way in hell am I breathing fairy air,” his father growled out speeding up looking in the mirror at his sons. “They can learn that they should never go against their morals no matter how much it hurts them.”  
“That's a bit dramatic don’t you think Greg?” Phil’s mother said rolling her eyes and looking out the passenger window as they drove away. “You're ridiculous.”  
“Woman I swear to god I will pull over don’t test me,” Phil’s father growled out making Phil sink into his seat wishing he had his headphones and that his phone hadn’t died hours ago.  
“Dad please let it go,” Martyn said trying to reason with his father which only made the older man angrier who sped up making Phil grip his seat in fear.  
“Greg slow down,” His mother said as the car drove even faster and faster, “please stop Greg-”

Phil’s mother was cut off by a loud scream echoing through the car and the sounds of crunching sliding metal slamming against his family as though they were trash in the road. Phil threw his hands up in the air feeling himself floating off his seat as the car spun around before slamming into the divider on the highway causing his head to bash into the window beside him. When the car finally stopped spinning and the sound of scratching tiers ended Phil felt like his world was frozen, like he would never leave this moment, he lifted his hand up to his head feeling heavy blood funnel down his face and puddle into his hand. Phil groaned unlocking his seatbelt and pushing open the shattered car door throwing himself out of the car looking back at the damage done to his family and his memories-

Phil shook his head growling to himself trying to distract himself as he walked outside of the school and marched into the student parking lot shoving his hands deep in his pocket. Just as Phil was about to turn in the direction of his car something stopped him in his tracks, the sound of a harsh slap against skin and a quiet yell. Phil spun around looking in the direction of the sound seeing a huge blonde haired boy with his rough hands wrapped tightly on none other than Dan Howell. Marcas was whisper yelling at Dan whose hand was resting on his bright red face with begging eyes looking up at his boyfriend. Then as a hand flew through the air it slammed hard against Dan’s face again causing his head to slam to the side bashing against the passenger car window.

Without noticing Phil started walking in the direction of Dan and Marcas before stopping in his tracks realizing what he was doing and sighed to himself, this wasn’t his fucking problem he didn’t care. Phil looked up again seeing Marcas grab Dan by his hair and shoved him into the passenger side door and walk over to the other side of the car driving off, Phil scowled at the empty parking spot sighing as he walked over to his car. Phil threw his car door open tossing his bag into the backseat and slamming himself into the front seat starting the car and driving off towards the direction of his house trying not to think about what he just saw.


	3. pray for me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dan and phil meet in church
> 
> trigger warning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope this is okay

_The only heaven I'll be sent to_

_Is when I'm alone with you_

_I was born sick, but I love it_

_Command me to be well_

_-Take me to Church, Hozier_

Dan POV

There was a certain air around Dan that made people stop in their tracks when they were near him just to look away and make sure that he never knew that they ignoliged him. But Dan never wanted to be a stepping stone no for the people closest to him not to anyone, he wanted to be a bump in the road he wanted to force people to see him. Even when he was being walked on top of he wanted to make sure people were painfully aware that he was there and what they were doing to him, he didn’t wanna be another case that fades away. Maybe it was because he was always told that he was meant to be the small and quiet one, whether that be in his family or at school he was just supposed to let it all happen to him. 

Dan rubbed his bright red cheeks trying his best to ignore Marcas who was screaming at Dan while actively driving even faster and faster down the road away from the high school. Marcas was mad about something Dan had no idea what about but he was mad enough to show up at Dan’s school, slap him around in the parking lot and drive him away to some insane undisclosed location. Marcas had one hand on Dan’s thigh and was tightening his grip as he drove until Dan yelped out in pain as the hands squeezed around his bruises and cuts. Dan hated making noises around Marcas it meant that he was winning the ugly competition they had in between each other and Dan was never ever going to let him win. 

“Are you even fucking listening to me?” Marcas yelled slamming on the breaks when he approached a red light in the middle of the road. 

“O-of course,” Dan stuttered out cursing to himself reaching down and trying to push Marcas’ hand off of him. “Where are we going?”

“So you really weren’t fucking listening, wow great so you’re a liar too!” Marcas yelled turning the steering wheel and pulling over onto the side of some abandoned road, “look now you’ve ruined a perfectly good night.”

“I didn’t ruin anything I want to go home Marcas I’m fucking tired after school-” Dan spit out before a hand slashed across his face causing his head to slam back against the passenger seat. 

“Did I fucking stutter bitch,” Marcas growled undoing his seatbelt and climbing over the seats over to Dan’s side of the car pinning his hands against Dan’s shoulders stairing deeply into the youngers eyes. “Lean the chair back.”

“I’m not-” Dan started before being interrupted by a punch in the gut knocking the wind out of him as Marcas reached behind him and pushed the seat down so Dan was laying down allowing him to climb on top of him.

Dan gasped out trying to catch his breath as he wiggled underneath the harsh weight of his boyfriend who was grinning down at him as though he was about to eat him alive. Marcas slipped his hands from Dan’s shoulders sliding them across his chest up to his neck wrapping his hands around the youngers small neck. 

“I could kill you right now,” Marcas whispered out tracing one hand up from his neck up to his eye where a deep bruise was starting to form around Dan’s eye. “Where did this come from?”

“Probably you,” Dan spit out causing Marcas to roll his eyes grabbing at his bruised skin making him gasp out.

“No this wasn’t me,” Marcas cooed, “are people picking on you at school, baby?”

“Fuck you,” Dan scoffed out, “Marcas I’ll do whatever you want okay just- ugh I need to get home soon.”

“Of course babe whatever you need,” Marcas said slipping his hands down to the hem of Dan’s shirt pulling at it slightly, “off.”

“N-no please M-marcas,” Dan stuttered out trying his best to push his boyfriends hands off of him for no real point as Marcas refused to let up pushing on the clothes until the shirt was ripped off the youngers body.

“You wanna get home or not hmm?” Marcas asked leaning down closer to whisper into Dan’s ear, “I could leave you here on the side of the road if you like, see how long you’ll last out here.”

“Fine j-just make it quick,” Dan sighed out trying his best to close his eyes and pretend like he was alone in his room laying in his bed far far away from anyone and everyone.

\-------------------

Dan dragged his feet across the pavement of the driveway that lead up to his large modern house Marcas had pushed him out of the car a block away from his house at least respecting the fact that him and Dan can’t been seen together by Dan’s father. Slowly Dan reached a shaky hand up to his front door pushing it open cringing as the door creaked loudly slipping into the dark living room holding his breath. Dan was quickly blinded by the bright light of his father switching on the light switch on the far side of the room making his heart stop in his chest. The air was caught in his throat as he looked up from the ground and into his father's dark eyes his hands shoved deep into his pockets as he slowly strode over to his son. Dan flicked his eyes away from his dad looking at the staircase seeing his little brother looking at him longingly as though he was about to creep down the stairs before stopping as Dan whispered ‘stay’ to him.

“Hello Daniel,” his father said stopping a foot away from Dan making the smaller step backwards hitting the wall. “Where were you dear boy?”

“I-I was at school father,” Dan stuttered out setting down his backpack trying to prove to his father that he wasn’t lying.

“Then why did you’re brother come home two hours before you?” The man asked cocking his head to the side grinning wildly, “could you explain that to me?”

“I was,” Dan stopped trying to think of a good lie quickly, “I was studying there was some maths concept I didn’t understand.”

“What’s with your face?” His father growled out reaching his hand up to his sons face turning it to the side to get a better look at the dark bruising around his eye and a cut on his lip.

“Nothing I-” Dan started before being cut off by his father taking his other hand digging his fingers into the bruise causing Dan to cry out. 

“Someone else beating on you boy?” Father asked taking his hands off Dan’s face and putting them into his hair tugging harshly, “your such a pussy, can’t stand up for yourself I didn’t raise you like that!”

“Sto-op! I’m sorry okay!” Dan cried out as his father slammed his head backward by his hair crashing his skull onto the wall making him see spots.

“What was that huh? Speak up boy!” His father yelled throwing him onto the ground kicking him in the side a few times before he pushed his foot down onto Dan’s back pinning him down. 

“St-top!” Dan stuttered out earning another kick in the side onto his ribcage.

“God you’re such garbage,” his father spit out taking his foot off Dan’s back and crouching down in front of the others face causing Dan to slam his eyes shut trying to will away the tears.

His father scoffed getting up and marching back up the stairs past his brother muttering under his breath saying he needed to clean himself up, Dan tried to move before gasping and grabbing his ribs. Soon there was someone sitting down on the floor next to him resting a hand on Dan’s back causing him to look up at his sad looking younger brother.

“Are you okay?” Adrien asked making Dan scoff as he tried moving again pulling himself off the floor leaning up against the wall behind him his hands still gripping his ribs.

“I’ll be find Adie,” Dan said gasping softly causing Adrien's face contorted into an angry scowl.

“That’s bloody shit Dan!” Adrien yelled causing Dan to shh him rubbing his side in pain, “sorry.”

“It’s fine okay I’ll be 18 soon then we can move out-” Dan started before being interrupted again.

“Not if you get killed first!” Adrien whisper yelled, “what did father mean when he said other people were hurting you Dan?”

“Adrien he was just saying that okay,” Dan tried to lie but sighed when he saw his brother wasn’t buying it. 

“Are you getting bullied again I thought that stopped,” Adrien asked looking a mixture of confused and concerned.

“Only a little bit alright it’s not bad they know not to go too far,” Dan explained sighing to himself looking away from his brother, “can you help me get to my room?”

“You want me to carry you?” Adrien asked in a joking way.  
“Adriennnn,” Dan whined making his brother laugh as he scops up his older brother walking him up the stairs to his room.

\------------------

It wasn’t until Sunday morning that Dan saw anyone from his school again after skipping class on Friday and ignoring all of the texts he wasn’t getting on Saturday. He was being pulled by his arm by his father down the aisle of the too old too strict church when he saw him sitting a few rows away dressed in scratched up black jeans and a cut up denim jacket. Very presentable. Phil looked up from his mother whose face Dan has never seen move and made eye contact with Dan causing his heart to fall into his hands as Phil grinned at him, quickly Dan looked away as he sat down next to his family glaring at his hands. Everything about this situation made Dan want to crawl out of his skin, the too tight black suit he was forced to wear, the fact that his father's heavy hand was gripping his thigh and the horrible feeling of being watched. 

As the pastor walked up to the front of the room Dan began to daze off looking past the man staring intently and deeply at the statue of Jesus on the cross behind him. Everything eventually faded into the background the only thing Dan hearing is the subtle sounds of the preacher singing. Then the grip on his thigh tightened his father's way of telling him to pay attention to what the pastor was saying.

“Pay attention,” his father whisper yelled under his breath making Dan nod looking up to the front of the room. 

“-and we stand here in front of God asking him what does he wish for us to denounce by his name?” The man asked, “and he says to us his loyal followers that any person who does not live their life by God can not be seen as people in our eyes. In our modern world we have moved away from God’s light with things such as LGBT equality and open borders, speaking of the so called LGBT community it is our duty, no our honor to show them what we think of them. I tell parents of these LGBT children to bring their child to our savior camp outside London so we can fix and save your children's souls, and to children cast out your devil! Come to the light so we can rip out the darkness from inside you-”

Dan stopped listening after that feeling as though he was about to throw up all over the pew in front of him, he moved in his seat before stopping when his father dug his nails into Dan’s leg. Dan sighed as the sermon ended the pastor telling them that there would be a small break in the program while the choir came to them from the edge of the stage, quickly Dan shoved his father's hands off of him telling him he was going to the loo before sprinting down the hallways of the church. Dan burst through the bathroom doors running over to the sinks gripping them by their sides trying his best to keep himself from shaking uncontrollably. Reaching his hands up Dan untied the tie that was choking him throwing it onto the dirty bathroom flood as he turned the water on rubbing it over his hands trying to wash off the invisible dirt. 

“You don’t look too good there princess,” a voice said from behind Dan causing him to whip his head up looking into the mirror past his makeup caked face over to the black haired boy behind him. 

“P-phil,” Dan stuttered out taking his hands off the sink turning around and rubbing his hands through his hair.

“Expecting someone else?” Phil laughed leaning against the wall behind him pulling out a small rolled joint putting it into his mouth and lighting it. 

“N-no I-I,” Dan started before being interrupted by smoke blown into his face, “you’re in a church.”

“You’re right Dan good context clues it’s not like you see me here every week,” Phil said rolling his eyes as he hit the joint again, “you want some?”

“What?” Dan asked confused.

“Do. You. Want. Some. Marijuana?” Phil said slowly pushing the joint into Dan’s face.

“But we're in a church,” Dan said turning his head to the side, “and I don’t trust you.”

“Suit yourself go back to the main hall and listen to that asshole shit all over gay people fine by me,” Phil said shurugging breathing the smoke clouding up the room in deeply, “that is unless you disagree.”

“Shut up,” Dan whispered, “I-I don’t have to go anywhere.”

“Well neither am I princess so you’ll have to deal with the weed in your house of God, got it?” Phil growled out sliding down the bathroom wall sitting down onto the cold tile floor.

“It’s not my house of God,” Dan said sighing wishing he had anywhere else to go if he went back to the hall his father was there but if he stayed here Phil was here. Either way he would probably end up getting his skull cracked open.

“Come sit next to me,” Phil said patting the ground next to him making Dan shake his head, Phil rolled his eyes, “come on I won’t ask again.”

“F-fine,” Dan stuttered walking over to the other side of the bathroom sitting down as far away from Phil as he could, Phil grinned taking the joint and placing it into Dan’s hands.

“Just try it I promise I won’t do anything bad to ya’,” Phil said Dan sighed slowly moving the joint up to his mouth taking a deep breath before coughing uncontrollably making Phil laugh. “You really can’t hold your smoke can you!”

“St-top I’ve never smoked before,” Dan coughed out suddenly feeling dizzy in the smoky room, every part of him told him he should run out of the room yet he found himself loving the feeling of the high.

“Can I have that back now?” Phil asked as Dan took his second and then third hit off the joint passing it over to the older boy, “watch out you’ll be a stoner in no time.”

“Why do you care?” Dan asked rolling his eyes resting his head back against the wall, “you’re just waiting until I get high enough and then you’re probably gonna use me or something.”

“Don’t be so crude Dan,” Phil said frowning to himself, “I wouldn’t do that.”

“But wouldn’t you though?” Dan said feeling like he was floating on air the high completely taking hold of him, “how long have I know you now? A year or so? And everyday I’ve spoken to you you’ve hurt me? There is no point in assuming you aren’t just talking to me so that you can get under my clothes when I’m stoned.”

“Whatever man,” Phil mumbled making Dan laugh.

“What hit too close to home?” Dan asked before the sound of the door opening flooded into the room as Adrien poked his head into the room looking worried.

“Dan, father is looking for you,” Adrien said plainly his gaze flicking between Dan and Phil confused, “we gotta go.”

“Alright alright,” Dan said groaning as he got up gripping his side that was still throbbing slowly he turned his head to Phil looking at him plainly, “looks like you’ll have to rape me later.” Phil opened his mouth to say something but before he could Dan walked out of the room slamming the door behind him as he followed his younger brother out of the church.

“Why do you smell like that?” Adrien asked scrunching his nose up, “what was going on in there?”

“It’s nothing Adie,” Dan said still feeling high.

“What did you mean by rape you-” Adrien started before being cut off by their father marching over to the two boys as they walked out onto the London streets in front of the church.

“Where the hell were you?” His father whisper yelled grabbing Dan by the arm harshly, “are you fucking high?”

“No..” Dan said before grinning.

“You mother fucker! When we get home your dead,” his father said causing Dan to sober up at the harshness in his voice.

“I-I’m sorry,” Dan started before a hand slammed across his face.

“We will talk about this when we get home, come on!” His father yelled gripping his arm and dragging him down the street Dan look back at the church behind him fear in his eyes as he made eye contact with Phil standing in front of the church. Why did he want to be sitting next to the black haired boy again so badly? 


	4. family matters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> our boys get some news dropped on them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are some pictures of the characters and what they looked like in this chapter I like to do this because I use pictures to help me write what people look like so I google pictures and I'm like yep that looks good. I don't know these people (besides Danny and Phil) so if they are famous people then I don't know I like to imagine it as a movie sooooo yeah these are not Dan and Phil's REAL parents obviously. 
> 
> also, Adrian Howell has the best Instagram.....

_ Do you do you do you do you _

_ (Do the fuck you want) _

_ Do you do you do you do you _

_ What the fuck you want? _

_ -Do You, RM _

Phil POV

“Why are you grinning like that you look insane,” Phil said to his mother, barely looking up from his phone as she drove the two home from church.

“What are you talking about Phillip? Am I not allowed to be happy now?” His mother said gripping the steering wheel tightly glaring at Phil from the side of her eyes

Phil rolled his eyes, “I’m surprised you can even emote that much with all that plastic surgery.”

“Is there something you need Phillip?” His mother asked groaning as her head dropped onto the steering wheel at the stop light. 

“You just look I don’t know the happiest you’ve looked since your last boob job,” Phil said moving in his seat uncomfortably.

“Maybe I’m filled with the lord's light-” His mother said before being cut off by a loud groan from the seat next to him, “I’ve also met someone.”

“Gross at church?” Phil said pretending to gag on nothing making his mother chuckle softly.

“You better change your tone young man I invited him over for dinner tonight,” his mother said as though she had won the conversation over from her son.

“WHAT?! MUM!” Phil yelled dropping his phone onto his lap as they pulled into their house his mom unlocking the car and walking out Phil jumping up and running after her, “mum you can’t spring this on me!”

“Philip it is my home I am allowed to invite over anyone I please,” his mother said unlocking the house and setting her bags on down on the couch walking into the kitchen Phil following after her. “He is bringing his children over so I expect the best from you, you may like him he has a son your age.”

“I doubt that-” Phil growled out causing his mother to spin around her face fuming inches away from Phils.

“Watch yourself, young man,” his mother growled out in response sounding fed up with her sons business.

“You watch yo-” Phil started before being cut off by his mother's manicure hand smacking across his face stunning him in his place.

“You will be nice and quarterly and SOBER and make a good impression do you understand me?” His mother growled out not even waiting for a response from him as she turned around walking back into the kitchen leaving Phil stuck in his tracks before he spun around and ran up the stairs to his room slamming the door and locking it. 

\--------------

Phil spent the whole day brooding in his room listening to his mother run around the house cleaning and cooking as though she was trying to construct a new life for the two of them in a few hours. What was weird was that Phil’s mother had had boyfriends before in the past Phil would see them leaving his mother's room in the early mornings or hear them together at night but his mother never WANTED Phil to meet them before. Phil groaned at the thought, throwing his phone on to the bed and got up starting his third march around the room looking for something to do for the next hour until the boyfriend got here. His friends wanted him to go meet him somewhere probably to get high or fuck around with people but Phil didn’t want to have to walk past his mother so had decided to stay bunkered down in his fortress room. 

Slipping his bright pale fingers across the drawers of his dresser pulling open harshly the top drawer lifting up the bottom of it to reveal a secret compartment Phil had created to store all his things a few years ago. Reaching inside he pulled out a small black box walking over to the edge of his bed sitting down and opening the box quickly grinning at what was inside, bags of green glowing weed, pre-rolled joints and a black jeweled pipe all smiling back at him. Reaching down he pulled out one of the thin white strands putting it between his lips and flicking open his silver zip lighter breathing in deeply. Fuck what his mother said he won’t stay sober for some church-going, conservative ass-

“PHILLIP! GET READY!” His mother yelled from the other side of his door banging on it causing the joint to slip from his lips falling onto his leg burning it making the younger yelp, “is that weed I smell?”

“I’ll be right there alright jeez don’t scare me like that!” Phil yelled back putting out his half-lit joint and tucking it back into the black box walking over to the dresser and putting it back in.

“Don’t make me come in there-” His mother started before screaming angrily to himself into her perfectly moisturized hands, “one fuck up and I’m sending you to boarding school.”

“Please do, PLEASE send me back to Italy,” Phil begged closing the dresser drawer and walking over to his closet pulling out outfit after outfit trying to find the one that will make the worst impression. His mother had stormed off not giving Phil a response which took a weight off the boy's shoulders as he sighed to himself happy he didn’t hear her shrieking any longer. Deciding on a black floral shirt and black ripped skinny jeans he slipped it onto his body and grinned into the mirror realizing that his mother would definitely hate this outfit. Going over to the bathroom connected to his room he fluffed up his blue and black hair clicking on his clip-on earrings and wrapping a black tattoo choker around his neck. In the end, he looked like the kid parents would tell their children to stay away from, perfect. 

As Phil wandered back into his bedroom he heard the distinct sound of his front door being opened from down the stairs and the mumbled sounds of his mother's fake cheery voice inviting in an equally as mumbled deep voice. Phil sighed taking that as his cue to go downstairs, after one good look in the mirror he slowly opened his bedroom door trying to ignore the voices as they got closer and closer to him. Taking light steps down the stairs he peered over the railing just barely out of view of the others and watched as a small group of people slunk into the living room one by one. 

First was, of course, his mother who was swinging her bleached blonde hair over her shoulder grinning behind her making Phil groan. Then it was almost like the room darkened as a large shadow washed over the room bringing along with it a tall, strong black-haired man with thick black glasses and a white crip beard. When he laughed to what his mother had said Phil shifted in his seat on the stairs, feeling his heart stop beating as the voice snuck up on him. Just as he was about to get up and walk down the stairs two other boys came into the room one shorter and tan with curled up brown hair and the other wearing a long sleeve pink shirt and overalls with even curlier brown hair. He couldn’t see either of their faces but for some reason it felt like the energy in the room shifted in a way that made Phil’s heart start to race in his chest giving him the confidence to walk down the stairs to the living room.

“Phillip!” His mother yelled turning around to face him her face giving him the look of ‘don’t fuck this up for me’ which made Phil grin. “Come meet Mr. Howell and his sons.”

“Howell?” Phil asked cocking his head to the side, that name sounded too familiar to him.

“You can call me Dave,” Mr. Howell said from behind his mother Phil’s attention shifting to him as he stuck out his hand grabbing Phil’s from his side shaking it harshly.

“You can call me Phil,” the younger boy responded looking the man up and down feeling small something he wasn’t used to being over 6 feet tall.

“Well Phil these are my boys,” Dave said turning around and grabbing the two sons by their shoulders bringing into Phil’s view the taller boys face still pointed down, “this is Adrian and Dan.”

“Nice to meet you!” The younger boy, Adrian, said smiling a wide smile but Phil wasn’t paying attention to that his eyes trained on the taller boy who was looking anywhere but at Phil his cheeks glowing red under his curly hair. 

“Dan?” Phil asked causing Dan’s head to whip up his eyes connecting with Phil’s for a few seconds before flicking his eyes away quickly lowering his head the hair falling into his face. 

“H-hi,” Dan stuttered out pulling his sleeves over his hands turning his head to the side accidentally showing Phil a deep black bruise peeking out from under his shirt before Dan quickly covered it up again.

“Do you know each other or?” Adrian asked pointing his fingers between Dan and Phil looking accusingly at Phil, “how do you know my brother?”

“He’s just in my art class Adrian calm down,” Dan muttered out making Phil cock his head to the side confused why was Dan downplaying their relationship? Then he thought well what relationship did they really have, now that he thought of it, he was friends with the guys that beat him up and school and they shared a joint together. Maybe they didn’t really have a relationship to downplay to begin with. “Can I use your bathroom?”

“Y-yeah lemme show you,” Phil stuttered out bringing himself back to the people in front of him turning around and guiding Dan down the dark hallway to the bathroom.

“Here,” Phil said, standing in front of the door blocking Dan’s entrance his hands crossed over his chest.

“Can I go in there?” Dan asked wringing his hands in front of him looking away from Phil awkwardly.

“What is wrong with you?” Phil asked sounding more accusingly then he meant to.

“I don’t know what you mean,” Dan whispered out confused. 

“Like what is your deal why is your dad suddenly dating my mum?” Phil growled out feeling frustrated because of his confusion in what was happening.

“I don’t control what my father does I didn’t know I was coming to your house I didn’t even want to come to begin with.” Dan explained sighing before he started talking again, “can you just wait to beat me up some other time?”  
“Stop saying that shit to me,” Phil spat out, “I’m not that type of person.”

“But aren’t you?” Dan asked turning his head to the side frowning as he finally looked up at Phil in the eyes the older stopped in his tracks at the anger in the younger eyes. “Don’t talk to me around my father anymore.” 

“Dan-” Phil started before the curly brown-haired boy turned on his heels walking back into the living room where the rest of his family was making Phil scream in his hands angrily. 

Phil dropped his hands to his side marching back through the hallway before stopping in the doorway of the living room watching with confused eyes at what was unfolding in front of him. His mother was gone probably in the kitchen somewhere making something gross leaving only Dan and his family who had all not noticed him yet. Dan’s father had risen out of his chair his large hands wrapped around Dan’s small forearm shaking him slightly as he got up close into the boys face speaking angrily and quickly at him. Adrian was standing a few feet away from the two of them his face bright red and his fists bunched up at his side as though he had been told to reel himself him. 

Phil scowled this all seemed too familiar to him as though he had seen the same thing unfold with Dan just days before in the parking lot of their school, sighing to himself Phil took a few steps back so he was out of the doorway and yelled into the living room.

“So Dave,” Phil yelled pausing and walking into the room seeing Dan’s dad now sitting down again and Dan standing stunned in the middle of the room, Phil grinned at the man as though he didn’t want to strangle him. “What do you do for a living?”

“I work in business,” the man said glaring at Dan before flicking his eyes back to Phil smiling after Dan finally sat down, “I don’t know if you would understand it.”

“Right,” Phil said rolling his eyes walking farther into the room before stopping in his tracks as his mother walked back into the room telling the rest of them that dinner was ready making Phil groan. This was going to be a long fucking night.

\---------------

Just as Phil had thought the night lasted for what felt like for fucking ever on Phil’s part, his mother and Dan’s father practically eye-fucking each other from across the table making Phil extremely uncomputable. Adrian had been asked by his father to explain how year 11 track was going about ten different times as Phil’s mother pretended to be interested and Adrian pretended like he actually liked his father. Dan had barely eaten and was keeping his head hung low not only avoiding Phil’s gaze but his father’s as well which only made Phil frown suddenly feeling the urge to reach forward and hold the boy. Before shaking his head and looking back down at his plate. 

As the meal ended Phil started to get restless wanting to run up to his room the second Dan and his family finally leaves for Phil to never see ever again. As his mother reached across Phil jabbing him with her elbow harshly as she grabbed his plate clearing the rest of the table making Phil roll his eyes, so predictable. Phil rose out of his seat once his mother came back in before sitting down when his mother glared at him smiling through her red lipstick as she stood in front of the table. 

“Before you all go I just want to thank you for a good night,” his mother started sounding like she was giving a fucking press conference. “It seemed like our families are meshing together beautifully which is perfect considering-”

“We're getting married,” Dan’s father interjected getting out of his seat and swinging his arm around Phil’s mother's shoulder making Phil choke on his water.

“I’m sorry what?” Phil exclaimed pushing himself away from the table angrily, “you’re getting married? Since when!”

“Since three days ago Phillip calm down,” his mother growled out breaking her new persona slightly before snapping back.

“How long have you even known each other?!” Phil yelled ignoring his mother’s words.

“I’d say four months at this point,” his mother said looking over at Dave as though he was the love of her life and her son wasn’t screaming at her from the other side of the dining room table.

“Father are you sure about this?” Adrian interjected from next to Dan looking at Phil flabbergasted as though he also couldn’t believe his ears.

“Adrian,” Dan whispered pulling on his brother's hand before being shaken off. 

“You should listen to your brother Adrian,” Dave warned before smiling at Phil, “and you should listen to your mother Phillip-”

“Don’t call me that,” Phil growled reaching his fingers so they were hovering over the knife next to him, just in case. 

“We all need to take time to adjust that is understandable okay kids, I googled family merging and that is what Dr. Phil said.” Phil’s mother said causing the boys mouth to drop open, “but soon we will all be a FAMILY so you must all learn to get along.”

“So are they moving in here?!” Phil asked throwing his hands up into the air, “all of them?!”  
“Yes Phillip we will speak of this later,” his mother growled.

“I think we should be going now,” Dave said turning his head to face Phil’s mother peppering kisses across her face, “thank you for a lovely evening, Susanna. Boy’s get your things.”  


Phil pushed his way past the chair he was sitting in storming out of the dining room and marching his way up the stairs into his bedroom slamming the door behind him and locking it without saying anything. Phil preceded to scream into his pillow muffling the sounds of Dan and his family leaving the house and the front door slamming closed. In a huff, Phil threw the pillow back down onto the bed and marched over to his closet before stopping in his tracks as something moving caught his eyes from his bedroom window. 

Dan was pinned against the side of a black convertible car by his father whose arm was crossed against his son’s throat pushing him into the window as he whisper yelled at his son who was pushing himself into the car. Phil frowned walking away from the window to his dresser grabbing an old rock that he had gotten from a family holiday and throwing it at the neighbor's car causing the car alarm to go off making Dan’s father jump dropping Dan to the ground. After seeing what the noise was the older man sighed telling his son to get into the car as he walked along to the other side. Phil watched transfixed on Dan as the brown-haired boy got up turning towards the car before turning around looking up at the house before making eye contact with Phil causing him to stop in his tracks before getting into the car and driving away.


	5. school books and bloody noses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dan and adrian move in with phil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiiiiii <3

_ Mount Everest ain't got shit on me _

_ 'Cause I'm on top of the world _

_ I'm on top of the world, yeah _

_ -Mount Everest, Labrinth _

Dan POV

Dan always wondered how his life would have turned out if his life experiences had been different. Everyone has firsts that changes them forever, first love, first time, first heartbreak and for Dan all of those things came as curses instead of blessings. Maybe if those experiences had been better to him he would have learned to trust more or learned that there is light and love in this world, instead he learned distrust and the reality of evil behind every corner. It was bad luck maybe that all of this happened to him but it made him the person he is today, but to him he was unsure if he really liked the person he is today. 

Marcas had his fingers down his neck twisting in turning in his skin as though he was trying to rip into the youngers body, Dan choked feeling the heavy weight of feather light hands as though they were bricks against his body. Marcas and Dan laid criss cross against each other on Dan’s bed the older practically holding Dan down as the younger anxiously shifted his eyes between him and the window of his bedroom looking out for his father. Dan had told Marcas 100s of times before that they can’t be in Dan’s house together and yet just like last time this had happened Marcas didn’t listen. All of Dan’s room was packed in boxes lining the walls of the bedroom as the family prepared to pick up their lives and move into a new house with a new family, not that their parents were rushing into it or anything. 

“You seem distracted,” Marcas said matter of factly causing Dan’s eyes to flick over towards his boyfriend who was now sitting up in Dan’s bed letting go of his grip on the other boy.

“I-It’s nothing,” Dan stuttered out following the other and sitting up on the mattress leaning back against the bed’s headboard.

“It doesn’t seem like nothing,” Marcas spit out refusing to look at Dan in the eyes keeping his gaze fixated on the wall in front of him making Dan’s stomach clench. “Why are you moving in with Phil fucking Lester?”

“I-I didn’t choose to,” Dan tried to explain reaching out to rest a hand on his boyfriend's shoulder before it was swatted away harshly by the older.

“Am I going to need to be jealous of Lester now?” Marcas asked with a teasing tone making Dan flinch in his seat.

“You don’t need to worry okay I-I’ll only be there for the rest of the year then we can run away like we always planned,” Dan said trying his best to reassure the other boy whose face was getting redder and redder. 

“You should just live with me now,” Marcas muttered pulling his phone out of his pocket and frowning deeply at the screen that glowed against his face, “I can’t stay long.”

“Oh,” Dan said trying not to sound disappointed, “where do you have to go?”

“I’m sorry I didn’t know you were my fucking keeper,” Marcas growled back at Dan sounding defensive as he made his way over to the bedroom door making the younger man throw his hands up shaking his head.

“T-that’s not what I meant!” Dan said jumping out of bed following him to the bedroom door resting a hand on Marcas’s shoulder who quickly spun around and slammed a heavy hand across Dan’s face. Dan cried out hitting the carpeted ground below him his head bashed against the floor making his vision spin. Dan listened as the door opened and closed behind his boyfriend, he listened as his footsteps crept down the stairs leaving his house making sure Marcas was gone before he sat up. Dan sighed resting his hand against his cheek pulling it back to look at it groaning as blood appeared on his skin, quickly Dan shot up walking over to the bathroom stopping in his tracks when he saw his face.

  
  


The blood on his cheek was from a reopened cut on his cheek bone that was now bruised over with a dark purple under glow, his right eye had a purple ring wrapped around it his eye slightly red and closed. His left eye was a bit better than his right it was also bright red but the bruising had all but faded over the past days. Above his left eye his eyebrow was slit deeply along with his lip all bruised over with his nose crooked sideways ever so slightly if you looked. Dan lifted his hands up to his neck slipping his tan fingers across the black hand prints around his neck that he didn’t remember if it was from his father, Marcas or kids at school. Slipping his hands off his neck he twisted them into the collar of his shirt pulling it down so he could see down his chest, a sob caught in his throat looking over rows and rows of scars and cuts. 

The tears poured over his cheeks as Dans hands fell back onto the bathroom counter he dropped his head down to his chest shaking his head back and forth squeezing his eyes closed. He breathed in deeply trying to will away any form of feeling or thoughts he pulled his hands up to his eyes rubbing his palms into his eyes before looking back into the mirror. Dan’s eyes were bright red the tear tracks on his face only growing his own scowl, turning on the sink he cupped his hands full of water splashing it onto his face over and over again. His fingers fell back onto the counter gripping it tightly the sleeves of his now wet jumper rising up showing off the red and white twisted cuts across his wrists. He slid down to the floor his knees digging into the tiles as he flung open the cabinet drawer pulling out a reusable razor blade shining it in the fluorescent lights.

Pulling up his sleeve he pressed the metal against his skin sliding it against his arm harshly, his breath caught in his throat before slipping out slowly in a sigh of relief. Dan closed his eyes leaning his head against the bathroom wall watching as the blood started dripping down his arm falling onto the ground in a small puddle.  _ Just one more time,  _ Dan thought,  _ then one more and one more and one- _

“Dan you home?” Adrian yelled from the bottom of the stairs as the front door slammed closed, “father wants us to bring the rest of our stuff over soon. Dan?”

“Y-yeah one sec,” Dan stuttered out scrambling to get up off the floor picking up the razor and running it under ice cold water before slipping it into his back pocket shoving his tan arm under the water. Dan gasped out in pain as the water hit the new 6 cuts running across his arm he quickly snapped out of it taking his other hand and scrubbing it over his arm trying to wash away all the blood. 

“Dan are you okay?” Adrian asked as footsteps crept up the stairs and over to the bathroom door knocking on it carefully, “what’s wrong?”

“Ugh nothing A-adie,” Dan said turning off the sink and reaching back into the drawer pulling out gauze strips and wrapping it around his arm as quickly as possible. Finally Dan nodded putting the gauze back into the drawer and closing it turning around and opening the bathroom door smiling at his younger brother who was looking at him accusingly. “So should we go or?”

“Dan are you okay?” Adrian asked grabbing Dan’s shoulder as he tried to walk past him and into the hallway. 

“I told you okay I’m fine Adrian drop it,” Dan growled trying to shake his shoulder out of his brothers hands whose grasp only tightened.

“Dan what’s on your cheek? Did father do that? I thought you were going to stand up to him,” Adrian pried with a worried gaze falling over his brother who rolled his eyes and pushed the youngers hands off him.

“Get your stuff together Adrian, father will be angry if we take too long,” Dan sighed out walking over to his room picking up a few boxes and walking back into the hallway turning to look at his surprised brother. “I’m bringing this stuff out to my truck okay we’ll get the big stuff tomorrow.”

\----------

Dan and Adrian pulled into the driveway of their new home the old rusted blue truck’s tires scraping against the small white rocks covering the driveway, Dan sighed looking up at the house finally seeing it in the daylight for the first time. They were a bit outside London not like the two story brownstone that his family lived in before, the house was made of old yellow and white bricks with white painted window frames and a pointed tile roof. There were two stories and what looked like a huge backyard, the front lawn had bushes separating the house from it’s neighbors giving them the allusion of privacy. Dan dropped his head onto the steering wheel banging his head down over and over again groaning as he did so until his brother grabbed him by his jumper pulling him backwards.

“Dan please that isn’t helping anyone,” Adrian said pinning his brother against the cheap leather seats, “this is just the way it is right now, think of it like this it’s a nicer house-“

“It’s not the house Adie,” Dan sighed out looking through his curls at his younger brother, “it’s the people in it, if she tried to be our mom I swear-“

“I know okay but give her a chance,” Adrian said smiling at his brother letting go of his jumper sticking out his pinky to Dan. “You and me vs the world, right? Forever and always once I leave high school we’re out of here forever.” 

“R-right,” Dan stuttered our feeling a pit of guilt growing in his chest as he pushed open the truck door climbing out. “Let’s go little bro.” 

Adrian nodded getting out of the car as well the two of them walking around to the back of the truck and picking up the paper boxes carrying all their childhood memories. Dan’s feet scraped against the stone walkway leading up to the front door before lifting his fist and softly knocking against the splintered wood. After only a few seconds the door swung open revealing a very scattered looking Phil Lester his black and blue hair was sticking up all around his head, the white distressed tee shirt hanging off his shoulder showing off his toned body. He looked as though he had just woken up his hands reaching up and rubbing against his eye, the boy turned his head looking over his shoulder showing off his neck that had a bright red hickey on it. Dan’s face was glowing bright red under his hair his eyes were trained on the marks on Phil’s neck making him feel something hot start to grow in his chest. As Phil turned back around Dan cast his gaze away only blushing even harder making Phil smirk as he leaned up against the doorway.

“What’s with the red Howell? Like what you see?” Phil asked laughing out the rings in his lip hitting against his tongue as he laughed.

“I-I- i-is your mum h-here?” Dan stuttered our shaking his head looking back up at Phil who shook his head.

“Nah Diane is out with the girls getting day drunk, why what are you guys doin here?” Phil asked his bright blue eyes that Dan could just drown in flicking between the two boys.

“Father wanted us to bring our stuff over the last of it is coming tomorrow,” Adrian explained from behind Dan stepping forward in between Phil and Dan. “Can we come in or?”

“Yeah yeah alright,” Phil said stepping into the room Dan and Adrian following him in awe at the beautiful furniture and walls. 

“Where are we staying?” Adrian asked looking away from Phil and around the room.

“Martyn’s old room is big enough for one of you,” Phil said before sighing, “the other will probably stay in my room.”

“Wait what!” Dan said dropping his box onto the ground in surprise, “I thought there was enough room.”

“Ya see mum didn’t really think that far,” Phil said putting his hands behind his head leaning against the white couch. “Follow me.” 

Dan looked over at Adrian whose face was contorted into a deep snarl his brown eyes pressed into slits staring holes into the black haired boy in front of them. Dan sighed following Phil as he made his way back up the white carpeted staircase to a long hallway, the walls lined with old family photos and childhood paintings making Dan smile. This was definitely different from his old brownstone. Phil pushed open a white wooden door revealing a small room with a twin bed pushed against the far right side of the room the rest of the room was virtually empty except for a dresser with a small mirror above it. Adrian and Dan walked into the room setting down their cardboard boxes on a bench attached to a large window filling the room with bright lights and a green undertone from the wooded area behind the house. 

“This used to be my room before Martyn left for college in the states and I moved into his old room, whenever he comes home he stays in here so I guess he’ll have to sleep on the couch if he ever comes home.” Phil explained leaning against the doorway of the small room. “So which one of you are gonna stay in here?”

“I don’t see why we both can’t-” Adrian started before Dan cut him off.

“It’s fine Adrian we’ll only be here to sleep,” Dan explained picking back up his box, “I-I can sleep in your room Phil if I have too.”

“Dan-” Adrian protested before once again he was interrupted this time by Phil.

“Perfect! Daniel come with me!” Phil said sounding way too cheery making Dan roll his eyes as he walked out of the room and followed the older boy to the door on the other side of the hallway. Phil pushed open the white door revealing a much bigger room, the walls covered from floor to ceiling in band posters that Dan had never heard of and edgy art pieces that seemed to change their meanings the more you look at it. Dan walked into the room behind Phil and closed the door behind him, his eyes scanning across the mattress on the floor with no sheets and covered in soft blankets, a white desk covered in paint and a beat up laptop, there were chairs and couches set up in front of a TV and gaming console, something Dan had never owned before. There was a couch folded out into a small twin bed on the other side of the room in the same condition as the bed next to it laid a bright red bass guitar, and a beat up looking skateboard peeking out of a full to the brim closet. 

“Home sweet home,” Phil said pointing over at the fold out couch, “you can put your shit there or whatever.”

“Thanks..” Dan mumbled suddenly feeling exhausted as he dropped down onto the bed pulling out his phone and seeing that it was only 4 in the afternoon. 

“You tired princess?” Phil asked laughing under his breath as he hopped onto his matress tucking his hands back under his head making Dan growl, he had fucking had it. 

Dan pushed himself off his back leaning up against the wall glaring at Phil with his sudden boost of confidence, “we need to talk.”

“Ooo about what something sexy?” Phil asked, “sorry I’m no fag.”

“See none of that shit alright,” Dan barked out, “not around my father, not around my brother. You can do whatever you want to me at school or-or wherever you know I can’t stand up to you just not around my family.”

“Dannn!” Phil sighed collapsing onto the bed, “how many times have I told you I’m not like that-”

“So you are just friends with people like that?” Dan asked crossing his arms across his chest. 

“As a matter of fact yes,” Phil stated plainly, “have you ever seen me hit you?”

“So you are just some fucking bistander? Isn’t that worse?” Dan accused causing Phil to sit up raising an eyebrow at Dan.

“Up to you,” Phil said brushing it off, “I’m not asking to be friends Dan or brothers or whatever-”

“Good,” Dan said, “cause we aren’t gonna be.”

“Good,” Phil said leaning back against the bed pulling his phone out of his pocket turning on the artificial sounds of raindrops hitting a faux tin roof. “Now if you don’t mind I have some sleep to catch up on.”

“Fine,” Dan said laying back onto the couch crossing his hands over his chest scowling at the ceiling.

“Fine,” Phil replied before his heavy eyelids tumbled down his face.

\-------------

When Monday morning came around Dan was the first one awake, or well is it really waking up if you never fall asleep? He hadn’t been able to fall asleep the sounds of Phil’s fucking rain mechin keeping him up the whole night, not like he slept much anyway the memories made sure of that. At 6 in the morning Dan crept down the stairs fulling dressed in his school uniform with a dark black hoodie covering his tousled curls, the second he walked into the living he wished he was back with Phil something he had never wished before. Dan’s father was sat on the couch drinking a cup of steaming coffee dressed head to toe in his work scrubs his glasses falling down his nose as he looked up at his son glaring. His father sighed setting his coffee down onto the table motioning for his son to sit down next to him, Dan swallowed as he inched forward to the loveseat next to his father sitting down slowly. His father narrowed his eyes looking him up and down for a solid minute until he finally opened his mouth.

“Are you playing nice Daniel?” His father asked reaching down and picking up his coffee and taking a long sip.

“A-always father,” Dan stuttered out, his father nodded covering his face with his coffee as he took a longer sip. 

“Good,” He said, “I don’t want anything fucking this up especially not you.”

“Understood father,” Dan said as his father rose out of his seat walking past him.

“Now get out of here I don’t wish to see your fucking mug,” His father grumbled leaving the room the breath finally coming back to his son who scrambled out of his chair picking up his school things and bursting out the front door his bag swung over his shoulder. 

Dan started running. He didn’t know where he was going or what he was doing but in that moment it didn’t matter. The sun was rising in front of him as he shot through the empty morning streets trying to get as far away from the small London house as possible. The tears started falling down his face as he ran the tears shooting behind him as he ran he shook his head looking up at the sky wishing he could just fly away. After running for a while he came across an old park and turned his sights onto the bench at the far end of the park, Dan collapsed down onto the bench throwing his hands over his face as he began to sob even harder. He didn’t know why he was crying really. Maybe it was out of anger for his new situation? Or the fear from his father? Or being stuck with Phil Lester? It didn’t matter because the tears didn’t need a reason to fall.

Dan wasn’t sure how long he sat there staring at the sky he watched as the sun rose and clouds formed around it as small early morning rain droplets began to fall. Dan looked down pulling out his phone and seeing that it was almost time for class to begin, he sighed rising off the bench and walking back into the street. After walking for a bit longer he came across his school groaning as he saw his fellow students funneling into the school him following along behind them. Dan shoved his earbuds into his ears trying to tune out everything around him just hoping and praying that for once he could get a fucking break. 


	6. ugly fingers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> he should lover the attention... but

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you like this a lot of trigger warnings in this one   
> also let me know if you like me adding pictures of the characters I'm a visual human and it helps me image people
> 
> xoxoxoxo thank you

Edward, Hanson, Alec, Poppy

_ Hold up my balloons and cover up my face _

_ I can feel them weighing on me every day _

_ I should let 'em go and watch 'em float away _

_ But I'm scared if I do, then I'll be more afraid _

_ -Leave Me Alone, NF _

Phil POV

When Phil woke up Monday morning he was met by an unnerving air of silence something he thought he wouldn’t have to feel anymore now that Dan and Adrian were living with them and they were full to the brim with people. Phil groaned rubbing his pale hands through his faded blue and black hair trailing his fingers down his face his chipped nails getting caught on his piercings making him wince. He threw his soft blanket off the bed jumping up quickly before his eyes started to blur together causing him to grab onto the wall next to him for support. Phil shook his head going over to his closet and scowling at the fact that he would soon have to clear out a space for Dan’s frilly pink crap, he rolled his eyes reaching into the closet and pulling out his usual distressed long black shirt and tattered skinny jeans pulling it on and leaving his room. 

It was weird now that more people were living in his house, now the place seemed more alive while at the same time even more tense than before as if someone was waiting for this all to fall apart. Phil could hear his mum singing to herself from her and ‘Dave’s’ room, or as Phil has started calling him ‘ _ Tosser _ ’. Only in his head of course. Phil padded down the stairs stopping in his tracks as a figure stormed past him opening his front door and rushing outside slamming the door closed, Phil cocked his head to the side confused before shrugging and walking into the kitchen seeing Tosser glaring at a cup of coffee. Tosser looked up at him, his eyes fixated on a glare trained on the young boy who just nodded at him and walked over to fill a thermos full of coffee. Phil groaned seeing that he would need to get to class soon which seemed to have been heard by Tosser who looked over at him scowling,  _ what a way to treat your new step-son. _

“Why aren’t you at school?” Tosser growled out leaning back against the counter smirking at him with an ugly grin. 

“Why aren’t you at work? You even got a job?” Phil said back crossing his arms over his chest,  _ if he wanted to play Phil could play too.  _ Tosser didn’t seem too pleased by that slamming his coffee down and stomping over to Phil before stopping in his tracks when the sounds of Phil’s mum calling for him echoed through the kitchen, Phil grinned he won this round. “Looks like someone is calling for you Dave.” 

Tosser narrowed his eyes before turning around and marching over to their carpeted staircase and walking up it, Phil shrugged  _ weird ass _ . Phil tucked his thermos of overly sweet coffee into his blue checkered backpack and swung it over his shoulder making his way out of the house trying his best to forget about the annoying ass conversation he had with Dan’s fucking father.

Fall had started to dust across London something Phil was extremely thankful for, he always loved when the cold took over from the summer it was as though it was his come down from the high heats of August and July. Phil pulled his jean jacket close to his body something he had picked up from the living room, one of the only things he had left of his brother who was long since gone leaving him with his mum. Alone. Asshole. As Phil got closer and closer to his high school he considered what the fucking point of even still going was anyway all he cared out was Mrs. Wu’s class and his creative writing class other than that he could really take it or leave it. Phil walked onto the school campus nodding at his friends when he saw them sitting together by a golden tree his feet slapped against the concrete as he stood tall making his way to his friends. Hanson was doing kickflips on his skateboard and failing epically before deciding to just skate around in circles around the rest of them grinning up at Phil who again nodded back, Edward was dressed in his wrestling sweater talking to Alec who was flirting with his girlfriend who was snuggled up on his lap,  _ god it was too early for this.  _

“Hey Philly,” Hanson said as he zoomed by Phil rounding the tree one more time his jet black hair zooming behind him in the wind a few pieces of it tightly tied up in a small bun, out of all of his ‘friends’ Hanson was not only the youngest but the only one that Phil could actually fucking stand to be around. 

“I’m gonna laugh when you fall,” Phil said through a toothy grin causing Edward to laugh as Phil sat down beside him.

“Thank god you’re here mate I was gonna boil me brains if I had to watch Poppy and Alec eat each other any longer!” Edward exclaimed throwing his strong dark arm around Phil the taller boy trying his best to ignore the jump in his chest when his friend touched him. He wasn’t gay or anything, of course not, just that I mean Edward was kinda hot. Everyone knew that.

“No one asked you,” Alec’s girlfriend Poppy said flipping her long brown hair over her shoulder rolling her eyes and resting her head on Alec's chest.

“See what I mean mate?” Edward exclaimed shaking Phil’s shoulders a bit too hard as Hanson stopped in front of them kicking up his skateboard and grinning wildly. 

“So Phil,” Alec started making Phil’s blood boil,  _ what now?  _ “A little birdy told me you’ll be living with a certain Dan Howell.”

“Not by choice,” Phil said rolling his eyes into the back of his head, “mum had to fuck off and get married to his dad so now we have to be around each other.”

“So that means easy access,” Hanson jokes making Phil scowl at him before rolling his eyes.

“Gross Hanson,” Phil groaned out getting up off the tree pulling his bag back up his back looking over at his friends forcing a smile. “I gotta jet.”

“Aww, Phil!” Alec complained making Phil roll his eyes as he started walking before a small voice spoke behind him.

“I’ll come!” Hanson said jumping onto his board and skating up next to him following close to his side smiling at Phil who grimaced. “Why the long face Philly?”

“I’m gonna kill you one of these days,” Phil groaned out as they walked into the school Hanson still on his board flipping off the teachers who scolded him for it. 

“Is it gay if I ask if you if you want a hug?” Hanson asked stepping off his board and picking it up tucking it under his arm marching beside the older man.

“Does it matter? And no please no.” Phil laughed shaking his head as he walked closer to his first period still wondering if he really wanted to go before deciding he had nothing better to do. 

“Are you going to class?” Hanson asked, “cause coach Pullman wouldn’t mind if you hung out during wrestling.”

“I would rather not watch you and Edward roll around together on the floor,” Phil laughed out making Hanson roll his eyes before dropping his skateboard back onto the ground and jumping on it.

“Fine, fine, catch you later Philly,” Hanson said rolling away from the older running straight into a squad of VSCO girls making Phil laugh out as he walked into his first-period class in a better mood than this morning. 

\-----------

Ms. Tomson was starting to get predictable to Phil as he sat in her second period British history class her eyes raking over Phil’s body with a needy gaze making Phil want to melt into the floor below him. Her dress was cut short and tight her light blonde hair falling over her shoulders and her dolled up face, she was attractive just not to Phil. He knew he should be happy here was this older woman practically throwing herself at him, but for some reason he wasn’t. Hell would rather lay in Edward’s arms than Ms. Tomson’s, not that he was gay or anything. By the time class ended Phil already had all his things packed up and had his bag swung over his shoulder hoping to leave the class before Ms. Tomson gets her hands on him. Of course, he wasn’t so lucky.

“Phillip, could you come here for a moment?” Ms. Tomson said in her sweetest posh voice as the bell rung over head of them, Phil sighed walking over to her desk knowing for a fact that this was both of their free periods and she would take advantage of that. As all the students left the room Ms. Tomson stood from his desk closing the classroom door and locking it making Phil’s heart fall down to his feet.

“W-what’s up Ms. Tomson?” Phil stuttered out trying to keep his composure as the older woman sauntered back over to the young boy pushing his bag off his shoulder causing it to hit the floor with a thud.

“Please Phil I told you to call me Liza,” Ms. Tomson said running her hands up and down Phil’s shoulders making him want to vomit.

“Why am I here?” Phil whispered making Liza grin as she moved her face closer to Phil’s ear whispering into his neck her teeth grazing against the skin. 

“You know how hard it is for me to contain myself with you in my class,” Liza moaned out biting down onto Phil’s neck making him pull backwards before being stopped in his tracks by Liza’s sharp nails in his side.

“P-please-” Phil stuttered out trying to stay strong as Liza slipped her hands under his shirt tracing them over his chest making him shutter.

“You say no but your body says please,” Liza said pushing Phil against the desk grabbing the bottom of his shirt pulling it up over his head throwing it onto the ground next to him. She started to move down his naked chest nibbling on his skin kissing down his body as Phil pushed her head away from his body which of course did nothing but make her bite harder undoing his jeans. 

“Li-za!” Phil yelped as his pants were pulled down to his feet leaving him only in his boxers causing his face to heat up bright red,  _ this can’t be happening.  _ “No, please stop.”

“You mean don’t stop,” Liza said with a grin as she snaked her hands over his clothed lower half, “what are you some fairy?”

Phil’s heart stopped in his chest, “n-no I-”

“Then shut it,” Liza growled pulling his boxers down completely causing Phil to cry out as the older woman slipped her mouth over Phil putting him completely in her mouth. Phil squeezed his eyes shut trying to shut out what was happening the longer it lasted the more he knew that he just needed to get hard and get this over with, she wasn’t going to stop until he was. So he thought and thought and thought of anything except what was happening to him trying to find something to get him hory before his mind stopped on an image of a certain soft boy. He moaned out as the face started to focus inside his head, a mop of curly brown hair dropping on the figures head with bright brown eyes and tan skin causing him to get harder and harder. Liza hummed around Phil once she realized that whatever she was doing was working little did she know she wasn’t really doing anything to help him, Phil moaned again imaging the brown-haired figure in his head was on his knees below him. When Phil finally came it was with a loud moan as Liza swallowed him completely making him feel disgusting and dirty now that it was over. “Guess you aren’t gay then.”

“I-I gotta,” Phil stuttered out pulling his clothes back on over his bitten over body wanting to bathe in lava.

“Yeah yeah get out of here Phillip, I’ll see you later make sure to get your homework done,” Liza said as Phil grabbed his bag and walked out of the classroom making a b-line for the school exit needing to go home and get his car and drive himself off a fucking cliff.

\----------------

Phil had been driving for hours, he wasn’t really going anywhere he just knew that he needed to go and go as far away as he could. The car was filled with a mixture of weed and cigarette smoke only making Phil’s high worse and worse, or better if you asked him. He rounded the car around a corner stopping at a red light looking out his window sighing before stopping in his tracks when he saw a certain two boys walking down the street. Marcas’ arm was wrapped around Dan’s shoulder pulling him close the youngers face looking scared and uncomfortable,  _ why the fuck was Dan not in class?  _ Dan said something that Phil couldn’t understand causing Marcas to stop the pair pulling his arm off Dan’s shoulder and slamming him up against a wall of a long-abandoned building making Phil frown. Phil looked from side to side seeing that no one else was on the street and deciding to park his car in the street and watch the interaction between the couple rolling down his window so he could hear.

“Say that fucking shit to me one more time!” Marcas yelled out in Dan’s face inching closer and closer to him until their noses touched.

“I just said you’re being ridiculous okay! I told you that you have nothing to worry about alright I-I only love you!” Dan cried out his voice shaking in his throat making Phil frown,  _ maybe he shouldn’t be intruding on some dumb fight. _

“You are sleeping in HIS house in HIS room! You fucking slut how much have you fucked him, huh? How much!” Marcas yelled causing Phil’s eyes to widen, they were talking about him? Why did Marcas care that Dan had to live in his house, it's not like either of them wanted this?

“M-Marcas I-I wouldn’t-” Dan stuttered out before his words were stopped by the sounds of skin slapping against skin as Marcas slammed the younger head backward against the brick wall he was pinned against.

“Don’t lie to me,” Marcas spat backhanding his boyfriend once more making Phil growl out his hand hovering over his door handle to pull it open before stopping. This wasn’t his business Dan and him weren’t friends sure they were ‘brothers’ but barely not enough for him to stand up for him. Then why did it break his heart so much to see Dan in this position being pinned against a wall by his boyfriend and being beat on,  _ fuck he didn’t need this right now. _

“Marc-” Dan tried to say before a fist slammed into his stomach causing Dan to fall forward against his boyfriend burying his face into Marcas’ neck crying out in pain.

“Prove it,” Marcas growled out pulling Dan off of him and turning him around slamming his chest against the wall leaning against the backside of him pinning him against the wall. At this point, Phil had his fingers wrapped around the car handle and swung open the door running across the street towards the couple who still hadn’t noticed him.

“Hey! Fucking stop!” Phil yelled causing Marcas to perk his head up turning around to see who was there while still pushing his elbow into Dan’s back keeping him still.

“The fuck do you want Lester? This has nothing to do with you!” Marcas growled out holding his ground as Phil stalked over to the pair with his fist drawn tightly.

“Get the fuck off of him Marcas,” Phil growled out, “or I’ll crack your lights in.”

“Phil-” Dan tried to say before crying out as Marcas pushed his elbow farther into his spine.

“Try me Marcas we both know who will win,” Phil barked out making Marcas scowl groaning loudly as he lifted his arm off Dan whispering something into the youngers ear before marching down the street making Phil grin. “Yeah keep walking fucker.”

Phil sighed once Marcas was out of view before walking over to Dan and crouching down next to Dan who was sitting on the floor leaning up against the brick wall crying into his hands softly. 

“You okay Howell?” Phil asked reaching his hand up to Dan’s face resting it over the new bruises joining the rest on his face  _ since when did Dan’s face look like a punching bag Phil always saw him with pounds of makeup on. _

“Why the fuck do you care?” Dan cried out swatting Phil’s hands away from him trying to hold in all his tears as he leaned his head back against the wall sighing.

“We’re brothers right?” Phil said still not really believing himself making Dan scoff and roll his head against the brick.

“Yeah right,” Dan said sighing, “next time just leave us alone.”

“Dan-” Phil tried to say before being cut off by Dan’s sad laughter.

“I was handling it,” Dan said softly, “I was handling it.”

Phil groaned, “you want a ride home?”

“You mean your home?” Dan corrected making Phil groan out dramatically.

“Dannnnn I’m trying to be nice here!” Phil cried out making Dan chuckle causing Phil’s heart to swell.

“Fine,” Dan whispered looking up at the older punk, “one ride.”

\--------------- 


End file.
